Saturday, June 30, 2012

Hot chocolate

It's a hot chocolate, candles, incense and Enya kind of night. I remember the first time I heard Enya was at NID when I was in my first year and affectionately called a fachcha along with the rest of my batch mates. Madhvi my batch mate used to listen to Enya every day before she fell asleep. Actually if you hear Enya's music before you sleep you're very unlikely to get nightmares. It's so very soft and flows like gentle river through your soul. It's that kind of night. It's peaceful and quiet, there is the space of a day before I go back to the world of work. I spent most of the day by myself just reading, listening to music, pittering pottering the house, dusting, cleaning, putting things in their place. And now as the day comes to an end everything is as it should be and Enya sings in the Elvish language Sidiron a song called Aniron the theme of Aragorn and Arwen Evenstar. It's a melancholy song so filled with desire and longing. I think it plays in the movie Lord of the rings when Aragorn tells Arwen that they cannot be together because she is Elvish and he is human. Liv Tyler looks ethereal in the scene and Viggo Mortensen plays the torn lover to perfection.

Here's the English translation of the song. I will fall asleep with the promise of peaceful dreams...


From darkness I understand the night
Dreams flow, a star shines
Ah! I desire Evenstar

Having watched the day grow dark
I go into the night, a place to dream
Ah! I desire Elfstone

Behold! the star of stars!
The song of the star enchants my heart
Ah! I desire Evenstar

The flame of the fire of the heart
shines, rises, endures.
Ah! I desire Elfstone

Thursday, June 28, 2012


I think this is a good time to thank the universe for so many things that have come my way without me even lifting a hand. My friends that I met by chance as I was going along merrily through life. Every time I have been in doubt and wondered if I can get through a difficult time it's almost like a cloak of good energy surrounds me in the form of friends and family. I'm so grateful that I'm loved and like how! I cannot say touchwood enough.

I remember a long time ago I went to a temple, one of my rare visits to a holy place. For the first time I was very angry at God or universe or whatever one might call it. The temple was just symbolic of that power which we don't understand sometimes. So as I said I was very angry and for the first time instead of just saying thank you as I normally would in a holy place I asked for specific things. I rattled away a list of things I wanted and I was clear that I must have those things or else I will never feel gratitude again or even make an effort to acknowledge or understand a higher divinity.

Today I say thank you from the bottom of my heart. Not only did I get everything I asked for I got so much more and not to forget I'm equally thankful for all that I didn't get. As they say in poker a good 'fold' is just as important as a good 'raise'.

More gifts

If I allowed myself to make smileys on my blog I would have made a whole sentence with them but since I don't you'll just have to imagine me grinning ear to ear. Don't you just love 'Crazy little thing called love' by Queen? It's playing now and it's a fabulous morning! So I was absent from the blog yesterday because of all great reasons. First thing in the morning (I got to office at 9 am sharp!) I got a courier from my darling friend Shilpa and she sent me some lovely thoughtful gifts. I had to make a video of myself opening the presents and send it to her. She's like that don't ask! So I did that and sent it to her. There was a lovely book by Nicholas Sparks. He usually writes romances and I would have been very unlikely to pick up a book by him but I trust Shilpa's judgement and so far the book comes across as quite well written and interesting. Now David Archuletta (remember the sweet little boy who didn't win the American Idol a couple of years ago) is singing 'Crush'. I should've heard that song in school although I still kind of like it.

So coming back to the gifts. There was a book about how yoga can help improve a diabetic's life. A DVD of 'London Paris New York'. Shilpa swears by it so I'm guessing it should be good fun to watch. There was a lovely card and letter too so my day started beautifully yesterday. In the afternoon I went to Kaya Skin Clinic to write a review of one of their treatments. So I got a Gold facial which lasted one and a half hour. It was so amazingly relaxing that I fell asleep and am sure I was snoring for the last half hour. I've given them a 'glowing' review. They deserve it. Here's a picture of me looking way too much like Hannibal Lecter in my Gold mask. Now I have to download the picture from the phone to the computer. There should be a way of doing that that doesn't involve cables. There is! I emailed the picture from my phone to myself. I'm so smart even if I say so myself. Actually I look like a really fat Hannibal who seems to have fallen asleep. Laugh away!

So if you're done laughing may be I can move on. They actually gave me the Gold Mask and I'm supposed to keep it in the fridge for up to a month. It is immersed in a gold serum and I should put it on my face once every week for a glow. I'm sure I will forget. All in all it was a very relaxing and wonderful experience and may there be many more!

I went to Mirdiff City Centre after a long time and I loved what I saw. I think I'm going to go shopping tonight. Bring on the weekend baby!

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

no title 2

Sleep was difficult last night for some reason. There were so many strange nightmares that woke me up every now and then all through the night. Finally woke up in the morning with snatches of half forgotten images and emotions lingering on. Ninna hasn't been eating well and it's worrying me now. I had to feed her from my palm literally and then too she just ate a little bit. May be I should take her to the vet today evening. She's such a baby. She's perfect. 

Monday, June 25, 2012


A lovely word in Portugese that I just had to share...

Saudade is a Portugese and Galician word for a feeling of nostalgic longing for something or someone that one was fond of and which has been lost. It often carries a fatalist tone and a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might never really return. It was once described as "the love that remains" after someone is gone.

Small blue thing

So I figured out the reason why my iPod docking station refused to play songs off my iPhone. It's not as complicated as it sounds. I just had to take off the protective cover of the phone so it would properly connect. The point being I just heard 'Small blue thing' by Suzanne Vega. She was in Istanbul in May and I was all set to go but for some reason Anshuman didn't think the idea of me going alone to Turkey was a safe one. Then at the last moment he tried to get the tickets and surprise me but the show was sold out. So I missed seeing her perform some of my favourite songs. I love her voice which remains calm even in the most passionate of moments in her songs. And of course I love the way she writes with such depth and simplicity, it's poetry that evokes emotion and speaks very very clearly. I love that about her. This is one I really love in her voice. (Ignore the visuals in the video)The thing with Suzanne's songs is that if you hear them for too long a blue haze will slowly fall on your heart. But this is the kind of day when you can hear 'small blue thing' and smile a little bit... just a little bit.

Small blue thing
By Suzanne Vega

Today I am
A small blue thing
Like a marble
Or an eye

With my knees against my mouth
I am perfectly round
I am watching you

I am cold against your skin
You are perfectly reflected
I am lost inside your pocket
I am lost against
Your fingers

I am falling down the stairs
I am skipping on the sidewalk
I am thrown against the sky

I am raining down in pieces
I am scattering like light
Scattering like light
Scattering like light

Today I am
A small blue thing
Made of china
Made of glass

I am cool and smooth and curious
I never blink
I am turning in your hand
Turning in your hand
Small blue thing

Sunday, June 24, 2012

no title 1

I'm sick of finding new titles for posts. The day is ending and my eyes are tired. It's been a good day. Anshuman is supposed to come pick me up soon but he's likely to be late so I'm going to be here for a while.  I feel like a coffee but I'm in no mood to drive down to Starbucks and I don't feel like having teabag chai. The next issue is in the process and it's been a busy day.

The cursor is blinking and it's making me feel tired as it looks at me tauntingly. Suddenly I feel like I'm out of words. It had to happen. May be it's post birthday blues although I think that is a lot of BS. 


This morning I arrived at my desk to find another lovely gift from Maya. Maya is one of the sweetest, most soft spoken and creative people I know. If I ever have a daughter I hope she turns out like her I've said to her more than once which is why the post it says " Happiest birthday Mama Parul!!!"

I love the little bathtub full of shower creams and moisturisers! 


Saturday, June 23, 2012

Checkin' in

Just saying hello! I'm back home after a lovely weekend away. There's so much happiness to share and I don't have all the pictures on this computer to tell the story well. Hmmmm... let me try to email everything from my phone to gmail and then to the blog. Technology I tell you, sometimes I love it and other times I hate it. Actually most of the time I love it. So hang on lemme try...

So we checked in to a lovely suite done up in warm hues with an impossibly fat comforter. It was lovely and I didn't even have to make the bed!

The lovely living area came with purple flowers and candles. I got a swedish massage and a rose facial, managed to read half a book and sleep in the afternoon. Two days went by like the wind and we headed home happy and relaxed.

We had left Ninna with a friend who has three dogs and a sprawling lawn. This is Kaya the girl pug. There is another pug called Gunther who is just as adorable.

And that big hulk is Taz who fell in love with Ninna and she loved him right back when she wasn't busy bullying him. My friend Guddi said she had him eating out of her paw. That's my girl.

Wherever he went, she went and wherever she went he followed faithfully.

Goodbyes are always hard. When Ninna got in to the boot of the car Taz jumped in and refused to get out for a while. Guddi promptly called him "Judas!"

This bouquet of lilies arrived at exactly midnight last night and as you can see I couldn't stop smiling!!

Finally we headed home. And the evening rolled on in familiar comfort of drying clothes, dusting the house, changing the linen, some incense and I replied to all the birthday wishes on Facebook. There were so many, it was lovely. 

This birthday more than anything I've felt truly loved and that is my biggest blessing. I must've done SOMETHING right! Goodnight folks!

Thursday, June 21, 2012

And the celebration continues

Here's the lovely cake! Photo courtesy Claudia! As is tradition at the office everyone got together and sang Happy Birthday. I walked in on them lighting the candle on the cake so I had to hold my own cake, make a wish and blow out the candle.

And that's the creatively designed birthday card with bottles and bottles of bubble baths.

This last one is because I said at least 300 times how much I love Hady Beydoun the artist from Beirut we featured in the 'Urban' issue. The Post its say "Marry me. I will tattoo you for free!" He does amazing tattoos and is my friend on Facebook and when I said all those times 'I loooove him' I meant I love his work. I mean just to make things clear!

Sweet kisses

lazy walks on the beach, holding hands, not knowing where the road goes... and so much more...

Let the celebrations begin!

Day after tomorrow I will be 38 years old. The celebrations have already begun in the office and I have been showered with so much love that I'm overwhelmed and joyous beyond words. Here are my gifts. What you don't see are the hugs and the love I've received and that is more valuable than any gift I could ever receive. I might cry as I write this.

The celebration started with Bhavnaa's lovely symbolic gifts. The sweets so that I won't give up sweets altogether. The yellow rose symbolises friendship. The baby Buddha which is my favourite symbolises youth, happiness and the hope that I will have a little bundle of joy soon. A heartfelt letter. Bhavnaa and many others think it's hi time I became a mom. All in good time my friends! Thanks Bhavnaa! You're adorable!

Claudia gave me this beautiful candle and the necklace both of which I love. Don't miss the lovely packaging. Sauce does it well! Thank you Claudia! You're a rockstar!

And here are the lovely gifts from Samantha. The box says "Parul's box" as in Pandora's box. My friends know how I love boxes. Lovely bottles of bubble bath, cream and little soap which I also love. I always steal little soaps from hotels. The fourth charm on my Pandora bracelet is the music charm and the little heart shaped card says," Music makes it better" It certainly does. Thank you Sammie for the music (especially Lana del Rey's 'Blue Jeans') and the love!
The birthday weekend will begin today evening. We will drop my baby Ninna at a friend's house and check into a resort and spa at Yas Island in Abu Dhabi. Massages, Facials and the beach beckons thanks to my sweetheart of a husband Anshu the man. ( Wow the urge to make three smileys is overwhelming!!)

Wednesday, June 20, 2012


but what if they give up on you?

Such an angel

So I've clearly figured out how to place an image on the left or the right side of the page. I was thinking about writing a post on the mall yesterday. You know taking pictures and writing about the experience of Ibn Batuta. I do love going there so why not! May be this weekend then.

Two apples and a cup of hot chocolate

So yesterday evening I was watching 'Game of Thrones' season 2. I watched the last episode yesterday and I have to say it's a very very interesting, entertaining and well made series. It has been adapted from a series of books by George R R Martin. There are so many characters and the story follows the family Stark of Winterfell. I started reading the first book and never got around to finishing it even though it was very interesting. I recently bought a thriller novel and haven't got around to finishing that either. Anshuman on the other hand works longer hours than I do and yet has finished the entire Game of Thrones series of books.

There was a time when all I would do is read. I mean literally. I was in Bombay and not working during those days. I used to borrow three books at a time from a small library in Kandivli and devour books only taking breaks to eat food and have endless cups of tea. In fact now that I think about it I gave up drinking tea and coffee for a year or more. I can't for the life of me imagine why I did that.

So yesterday evening after watching the last episode I had to go out to get groceries from Geant the massive hypermarket. The thought of it is tiring in itself. So I went to the mall and ended up buying a pair of shoes and a dress that I'm wearing today. It's not my fault if everything goes on sale and I fall in love with a couple of things on my way to buying groceries.

For some reason I'm not feeling comfortable in my place today. Let me post a few pictures before I try to get comfortable. The height of the chair feels wrong and my little cushion is actually making me feel uncomfortable. Hang on. 

So that's my chair and the new cushion which somehow insists that I sit straight and not slouch. Ya I know that's a good thing but I like slouching in my chair when I work. I've got six Buddhas watching my back. There's something wrong with that sentence.

So I was walking around the mall yesterday and picked up two identical candles. Yankee candle no less. Sparkling snow scent is divine. Reminds me of the bastard Jon Snow. Jon Snow is a character in 'Game of thrones' who is the bastard son of Lord Ned Stark. He takes a vow of celibacy and joins the night watch. You have to read the books or watch the series.

I like Ibn Batuta mall simply because it's the easiest to navigate. It's pretty much a straight line and I usually park at one end, walk to the other end, buy my groceries at the other end and then return to the car pushing my shopping cart. So that's what I did yesterday. I got home, finished putting away the groceries, dress and shoes, dropped on the bed and immediately (hope I spelled that right) got ravenously hungry. So I ate an apple, then I ate another apple and then I had hot chocolate with two spoons of sugar( I know! I know I'm not supposed to!) before my body allowed me to sleep.

Woke up in the morning with a dream. I was collecting answer sheets from my friends in a class exam. Someone had written 50 pages and I was asking him why he wrote so much. Nonsense dreams, entertaining nevertheless. This morning Stevie Nicks sang 'Little lies', Elvis rocked 'A little less conversation' and Madonna sang something I have now forgotten. I came to office to find Claudia and Bhavnaa absconding from work. Well not exactly absconding. They're here now and all is well with the world.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

The office diary

This is a lovely notebook I picked up at the KL airport. I've written about three pages in it and I'm sure most of them are about how my handwriting has changed. It's true it has changed so much. Back at NID I had a lovely handwriting which slanted forward and now it switches from squiggles that slant forward to completely erect letters that look so matter of fact. It's true though I'm a lot more matter of fact now than I ever was back then... hmmmm...

These two little ones have been with me ever since we moved in to this office. I always thought they wouldn't last very long but they've been with me for almost a year now. I water them every Thursday otherwise when I come to office on Sunday they wilt and look very sad. I water all my plants on Thursday and when I'm on holiday it falls upon Claudia to look after them and like everything else she does a great job of it.

That's a picture and Anshuman and I at our wedding reception in Bombay more than a decade ago. The angel is there hopefully to protect me and the crystal globe to bring me luck. The little cat is a gift from Samantha and it's supposed to bring me pots and pots of money (hopefully very soon). The cat is sitting where a tea light should be. I ususally have a candle at my desk but I haven't got one for a while now. Again hopefully soon. I remember when this picture was taken. It was a wonderful happy day and I felt gorgeous!

The big cookie jar is now empty. It was a Christmas gift and was full to the brim with candy. I ate all of it of course and was soon diagnosed with diabetes. Phone, check. Cigarettes, check. Post its, check. iPod, check. iPod docking station, check. Lovely pencils and favourite green pen, check.

The two money plants refuse to grow any further and I'm surprised at their tenacity to stay their size despite all the sun and regular water they get. Love the blue planters. The aloe vera plant in the middle was a gift from someone I no longer like at all. Well it's not the plant's fault so he stands proud by the window.

I forgot the name of this plant. Lovely white flowers bloomed regularly on it's stems up until a couple of months ago. This one is rather delicate and cannot stand too much sun so I have to keep the blinds closed most of the time or reduce the temperature. I like cold. Everyone else cribs and wears sweaters around me. I know I should be more sensitive to everyone else's comfort but I guess I have a few rare flaws.

I always wanted a yellow Beetle but ended up with a Pajero which by the way I also have come to love a lot. But a Beetle is just so cute so I recently picked up this handbag. Sadly the zipper gets stuck sometimes but I like it nevertheless. The cute little lunch bag can keep your food the right temperature till I transfer it to the refrigerator. I love the bright colours on both these cuties.

For some reason the people at Home Center sent me this lemony home scent thing along with products from L'oreal. Thanking you very much. The office smells nice and we're all very very happy.

These are random cards I've got in the last year from different people at work. The doggy family is there because one dog can become lonely. The circular fish is actually a towel(it becomes a towel when you put it in water). The Chinese dolls are from Samantha's trip to China. The Gustav Klimt box is from my favourite shop in the whole world Cottage Chic. Someday I'll buy the whole store!

I got this happy little Buddha in KL. He's supposed to attract good energies other than that I just love his laughing face. Someone once told me it's a laughter that stems from detachment. May be it does. I just love the beauty of laughter itself.

So that's it folks! I will return very very soon. (trying very very hard not to make a smiley)

Fabulous day

It started with me being lazy for an hour and having my usual large cup of chai. I love lazy mornings without the rush of getting ready, packing lunch and so on and so forth. I felt like listening to something from the good ol' eighties so I settled for Cutting Crew's 'I just died (in your arms tonight)' on repeat of course. I remember when I first heard the song on TV. Those days the only places you could hear English music was Top of the pop and when the Grammy awards were aired. My dad would hook up the VCR to the TV and I would record the songs I liked. I still remember when Cutting Crew won a Grammy for this song.

Top of the pop brings to mind 'Tarzan boy' by Baltimora and a school party where the boys sat in one corner and the girls in the other. I even remember one of the boys gathering up the nerve to 'propose' to one of the girls. He was on one knee with a rose in his hand. I feel like laughing now but it was rather sweet at the time. The girl and boy in question are of course married to different people and each have two children today. Time changes everything.

So coming back to the day I felt like speeding today and now I'm smart enough to avoid the radars on Sheikh Zayed Road. It was so much fun speeding and singing on my way to work. And to top it all off someone gave me a lovely genuine compliment. So thank you darling universe. I love you. 

Monday, June 18, 2012


There are some words that I will nearly always spell wrong like immedeately (correct spelling - immediately) and Porche (Correct spelling Porsche). I just corrected the spelling of Porsche or else Anshuman will never forgive me. So I'm going to start editing a client's book soon. It's an informational book and needs structure and a fair bit of rewriting. The writer is only 19 years old so it's quite a feat and took her only 8 months to write it. I have another friend who has nearly finished writing a book about astrology. I met another friend after many years last week. He is writing a novella with six short stories and has finished one story.

I see a lot of books by Indian authors on the shelves when I go to Bombay or Delhi. I give them points for effort. The first one that comes to mind is Chetan Bhagat with his first book Five point someone. Crappy book that went on to become an average movie. When I read it I couldn't believe how popular it had become. Chetan Bhagat has now become a motivational speaker cum youth icon. I would shoot myself in the head before I consider Bhagat any kind of icon or even a writer. OK so I hate him. I prefer Shobha de's first few books, at least they don't have pretensions.

Suddenly I feel like reading 'Unbearable lightness of being'. I love Milan Kundera. He's responsible for so much of the way I've felt through my twenties. I should have left him behind but he has tagged along with me in to my late thirties. I have a feeling I would still be sitting at a park bench with a copy of 'Love in the time of cholera' when I'm eighty.


And here's Anshuman in his serious business avatar. I've known him for twelve years and we've loved each other for all of them. Touchwood!

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Anshu the man

Do any of you remember the time Calvin's parents tried to take a 'nice' picture of him for the Christmas card? There is no way of taking a 'nice' picture of myself with my husband. I remember Swasti my dear friend from NID, one of the few people from my institute days who knows him well, used to call him Calvin because of the perpetual naughty glint in his eyes. In a year he's going to be forty but the glint hasn't changed one bit and the above is the best picture I could manage to take of the two of us together.

Marriage is a complicated journey but man what a ride it is when your partner is there to hold your hand, make you laugh, lick your cheek (right I didn't say 'kiss'), forgive you all your mistakes, accept you just the way you are and worry about what to get for your birthday. I don't know what I would do without Anshu the man. 

Ninna and I on a Sunday cuddle

The most beautiful and loving little person in the whole wide world. I love her so much.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Weekend musings

I usually don't write on weekends but this is a long weekend and I'm tempted to pen down a few lines. Spent all of yesterday watching a crime series and reading a book. Did nothing other than make a few cups of tea and take Ninna for a walk. Just came back from a friend's place. She has started a garage shop called Native Nukkad with some lifestyle items like cushions and coasters. It's a nice concept. Shopped for a few things and came home.

I have to admit a Porsche is a Porsche. 0 to 100 km in 3 seconds is effing amazing. The car zips so fast it's thrilling and I love the growl of the engine when it starts. I wish Anshuman would let me drive it but he won't. (I want to make an inverted smiley but will refrain) It's so hot in Dubai that when I got into the car wearing a dress I immedeately got out of it yelping because the seats were so hot. Anshuman got a nice laugh out of it.

Now the usual chores around the house will begin. I wish I liked cooking as much as I like cleaning. My husband would be a much happier man. All in all it's a lovely day and it's a holiday tomorrow as well so I'm looking forward to it. There is so much to look forward to, so much to do, so much to learn, so much to grow and yet sometimes I'd rather just play with my dog and have endless cups of tea. I feel like a poem coming on but I'm not going to indulge the words. This weekend is not for poetry.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Fifteen minutes

It's fifteen minutes to the weekend and honestly I can't wait to get in my car blast the Mission Impossible theme and feel like Ethan Hunt for half an hour. Ofcourse the music is going to be on repeat. In my car that goes without saying! So a couple of days ago I was playing around with something called Photomania on facebook and above was one of the many results. If you like this one tell me and I will post more. On the other hand I might post more anyway because as you know by now 'I'm so vain I think every song is about me'. (I'm so tempted to make a smiley but I'm going to resist.)

Somehow I like the colours and the random writing on the picture. Somehow it's very appropriate to this blog. Colourful and random. Anshuman often calls me the random variable and that's mostly because of the way I play poker. He's pretty good at poker but he finds it nearly impossible to read what I'm going to do next. There is no rhyme, reason or method to the way I play. The reason for that is simply that I am really just following instinct. There is no reason and there is no method. Much like life wouldn't you say?


Memories of looking down at lakes
Off the edge of an abandoned fort
Seven million stars stitched across the sky
Lights sparkling in smiling eyes

Sometimes I manage to write somewhat happy poetry (If you can call it that)

In general

Most of the time I start by choosing a title for my posts but most of the time the actual writing tends to veer off course. So I haven't named this one. I'm tempted to begin numbering the posts and not title them at all but that would be so boring for my children to read when I'm dead and gone.

Do you ever get the feeling that you want to say something but you're not sure what it is? I get that feeling sometimes when I know that I need to write something but when I get to the page I have no words. Words can be like that, like people. They can leave very suddenly without warning. The good thing is that although people sometimes don't return, words always find their way back.

Last night as I was almost falling asleep I felt like writing but getting out of bed didn't seem like an appetizing idea at the time so I lay there thinking about what I would have written if I wasn't a lazy ass. I like the dark night. The time when you've just switched off the night light and everyone is asleep and you feel like the only person in the world who lies awake. It's not a lonely place as one would imagine. It's a comfortable warm place in which the last few thoughts of the day float in and out of the mind. It's a time of comforting noises like the dog snoring and making noises in her sleep. Sometimes I lie and think about my toes getting warm. It's a silly thought but never fails to invite sleep.

And then the cinema in my mind begins. I think I begin dreaming from the moment I fall asleep. Last night I was wonderfully happy when I fell asleep but then suddenly woke up crying. For the first time there was an actual tear on my cheek and I continued crying after waking up. My sweet husband woke up, tried to soothe my nightmare and then in the middle of soothing me, fell asleep again. By then I was clear in my mind that I had just seen a bad dream. I hugged and kissed Ninna and she gave me a sleepy little lick on the cheek. I slept.

The morning was really lovely with Lana Del Rey's song 'Radio'. Like I've said before I love the woman's voice. Anshuman hates it and finds it morose. I hate Dylan so I suppose we're even. He called and I had to leave this post and went out for a lovely lunch with him to this place called Jones the Grocer. Really nice place and lovely food. He's taking me out on a date in a spanking new Porsche Panamera tonight so the beginning of the long weekend is looking good baby! We were sitting in the restaurant and he was asking me yet again about what I want for my birthday which is around the corner. I don't want to tell him. So finally he declared that our lunch today was my birthday gift, took out his wallet and said," I don't have any money!" I couldn't stop laughing for the next five minutes. The small joys of being married. I'm still smiling thinking about it. So I paid for my birthday lunch and he dropped me back. I'm pretty sure I want a birthday present, if only I knew what I wanted... sigh.

It's the Accounts lady Edylyn's birthday today so there's going to be cake and even though I'm supposed to lay off sweets I'll probably end up having a small piece. I love birthdays in general. They're always a happy event. Everyone comes together and sings. If only one wasn't getting older it would be sheer perfection but then again I wouldn't want to remain the same age year after year. I do want to grow older and hopefully wiser. Enjoy each and every stage of life. How I love life!

Wednesday, June 13, 2012


tiny drops of water can sear
or clear away heaviness of thought
or make cigarettes wet

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Coffee love again

I love Starbucks. Oh wait I've said that before. That's the great thing about a blog you can repeat stuff and be prefectly OK with it. If you go by the temperature outside in sunny Dubai it's a crazy idea to have something hot but like I said I love coffee. Although it's great to have but somehow after exactly 45 minutes it has the opposite effect on me. Instead of being wide awake I begin to feel sleepy. In fact even when I have tea in the night I fall asleep like a log.

Somehow today I woke up thinking it was going to be a difficult day and it has turned out to be a perfect busy day filled with a million things to do. I like busy days, they have a habit of ending well. So here's to (raising my coffee cup) busy days that end well! Actually that was an imaginary cup because I finished the coffee long ago and am trying to drink more water now as my doctor tells me I should. That reminds me I need to call my doctor and figure out if I need to see him or not.

I was talking about change the other day and yes there has come about a change. It's a change that involves the way I see myself, how I recognise myself and the kind of person I want to be. Also like most change it is a challenge of the strength of will. I've asked myself if I'm strong enough many times and it's been an affirmative and yet I'm human and weak and sometimes I go back to my fallible ways. Though this change has the scent of permanence to it and I like that. Instead of the change being something difficult to accept it appears to be something that I have been secretly wanting all this time. I may not approve of the way things have been in the past but this day feels like a beautiful blank paper. I can write everything afresh and throw away the old journal in to the sea never to be found again. I'm happy.

Sunday, June 10, 2012


It's one of those days when you realise that a few things in your life need to change. The process of change can be a difficult one or a not so difficult one depending on how you deal with it. Sometimes things change naturally and that's best but sometimes you need to bring about a change which is deliberate. It's for your own good. It's not easy but if you can see the goodness that comes through this change you can move forward and do things that simply need to be done. Stay positive and embrace change.

Thursday, June 07, 2012

'till the end of time

Just wanted to write something about this song and the video. Yeah I'm still talking about Lana Del Rey's 'Blue Jeans'. Of course I love the music and especially her voice. The texture of her sound has a finality and sensuality that appeals to something almost archetypal in nature. The very basic. The video plays it's part well. The woman looks at the man undress and there's a quiet knowledge of the fact that the sheer force of love will lead her to death.

An aching for love becomes an aching to be consumed completely as the aligators in the swimming pool threaten while she swims quietly amidst them. There is no fear up until the end when the man submerges her under water. There's a beauty to when he holds her dead in his arms as the song sings 'I will love you 'til the end of time, promise you'll remember that you're mine'.

Lana Del Ray

 I found my song for the day...

"Blue Jeans"

Blue jeans, white shirt
Walked into the room you know you made my eyes burn
It was like, James Dean, for sure
You're so fresh to death and sick as ca-cancer
You were sorta punk rock, I grew up on hip hop
But you fit me better than my favourite sweater, and I know
That love is mean, and love hurts
But I still remember that day we met in december, oh baby!

I will love you 'til the end of time
I would wait a million years
Promise you'll remember that you're mine
Baby can you see through the tears
Love you more
Than those bitches before
Say you'll remember, oh baby, say you'll remember
I will love you 'til the end of time

Big dreams, gangster
Said you had to leave to start your life over
I was like, “No please, stay here,
We don't need no money we can make it all work,”
But he headed out on sunday, said he'd come home monday
I stayed up waitin', anticipatin', and pacin'
But he was chasing paper
"Caught up in the game" ‒ that was the last I heard

I will love you 'til the end of time
I would wait a million years
Promise you'll remember that you're mine
Baby can you see through the tears
Love you more
Than those bitches before
Say you'll remember, oh baby, say you'll remember
I will love you 'til the end of time

You went out every night
And baby that's alright
I told you that no matter what you did I'd be by your side
Cause Imma ride or die
Whether you fail or fly
Well shit at least you tried.
But when you walked out that door, a piece of me died
I told you I wanted more-but that's not what I had in mind
I just want it like before
We were dancing all night
Then they took you away-stole you out of my life
You just need to remember....

I will love you 'til the end of time
I would wait a million years
Promise you'll remember that you're mine
Baby can you see through the tears
Love you more
Than those bitches before
Say you'll remember, oh baby, say you'll remember
I will love you 'til the end of time

Monday, June 04, 2012

Monday morning

I wrote two lines and deleted them. I usually don't do that on the blog but somehow the lines made no sense. It's almost 2 in the afternoon. I started the post in the morning but then got busy and forgot about it. When I came back to the page I realised I didn't like what I wrote so I deleted it. It's been an interesting morning. I need a coffee. I'll be right back. I have the car now so I'll literally be back in 15 minutes.(I want to make a smiley but I won't!!)

Oh man they make such orgasmic coffee. Needless to reiterate the fact that I'm in love with Starbucks. The song that's playing now is called 'Frankie' by Sister Sledge. The other song they sung which you might remember is 'We are family'. So 'Frankie' has some great memories attached to it. I was about 14 years old and went on a trek to Manali with a group from school. I remember it was great fun and we used to have aloo poori for lunch which is besides the point.

So a couple of months ago I was casually chatting with a school friend who reminded me of this trip. I didn't remember that he was part of the group but he remembered me well because every night that we camped and a fire was lit I as asked to sing. My repertoire at the time included two songs- 'Walk like an egyptian' by Bangles and the other song which I couldn't remember. My friend reminded me that it was 'Frankie'. I downloaded the song and it struck me that he was right. I did sing that song by the fire surrounded by the hills many times.

It's such a sweet song completely appropriate for a 14 year old. I apologised to my friend for having completely forgotten him and thanked him for reminding me of the song. I was talking to someone about remembering and loving some songs forever and she said that people outgrow certain music. I don't outgrow any kind of music I love. Once I love a song I always love it. I still love George Michael in his 'Wham' days when I had no idea about his sexual orientation, Madonna whose poster I also had in my room and of course Michael Jackson. There used to be these lyric books that Archies used to sell back then. I had all of them I think.

Although when I think about my teenage idol Steffi Graf always springs to mind. My father would always support Gabriella Sabatini while I rooted for Graf. I loved her poise on the court. The sheer control and power she had. She could literally wear her opponent down with her tenacity. Whenever it looked like Graf was losing I couldn't watch the game and would periodically walk in and out of my room to the living room where my father would laugh and say,"If Steffi doesn't win Dimple will commit suicide!". My nickname is Dimple. And yes I was named after Dimple Kapadia because 'Bobby' the movie came out sometime around when I was born.

I feel like writing more but I'm going to stop before I give you the low down on my teenage years. Coffee is certainly good for writing. I promise to consume more of it. (I'm resisting the smiley)

Sunday, June 03, 2012

Dreams and swords

Inside water and under oil she still breathes
Believing in coral castles and wreaths 
Reams of soft paper on barely there skin
Weighed under the sea she sinks

Sharp fingers cut and caressed
A heart that the devil blessed
with dark blood, poisonous and yet
She's painting dreams with swords in seven shades of darkness 

Long drive

Well it's Sunday and here I am back at my desk with a cup of hot soup. The good news is that I had a lovely weekend and the bad news is that I still don't have a car. Without going in to too much detail it would suffice to say that I lost my temper on Saturday afternoon with the after sales people at Mitsubishi. Finally Anshuman had to talk to them. All he did was ask for the contact of the Head of after sales and they promised my car would be ready today. To cheer me up he took me to a beach resort and we spent the evening lying on the beach sipping watermelon juice. I had a lovely time and was relaxed.

While coming back we had a bit of fun laughing at the GPS woman giving us wrong directions till we actually reached home. Anshuman calls her sweety in the funniest tone. I laughed all the way home. Ninna was upset with me because we got late but after a few kisses and her bowl of food she calmed down and fell asleep. We watched Harrison Ford and Sean Connery go after the Holy Grail in the old Indiana Jones movie. The rat scene always makes me squeamish.

On Friday we went and watched Snow White and the Huntsman because I like Chris Hemsworth. Anshuman says I like tall, burly men who look like oafs. Case in point being Freddie Flintoff thanks to whom I started watching cricket. For the longest time Anshuman would tell me Freddie was going to bowl soon when the Aussie team was playing and I would watch the whole match like an idiot while he would be happily watching his beloved cricket. I used to hate cricket till Freddie came along. Sad that he doesn't play anymore.

Everything was fine till I had one nightmare after another in the morning. Sometimes I would like to find out what my subconscious wants from me but then may be I already know. May be I ignore it so much it speaks in louder tones every morning. Some day I'll have to listen. I'll have to.