Friday, December 30, 2005

Tears of glory

I cried when Katsumoto's son dies at the bridge riddled with bullets as he charges towards the Japanese soldiers and then when he dies himself in a blaze of glory in the movie The Last Samurai. Tom Cruise ofcourse survives. I cried when Akshay Khanna dies with a look of complete surprise on his face in Border.I get so moved by the music track and sounds of war cries. I get swept up in emotion when Orlando Bloom swoops down the stairs on a shield shooting arrows at the enemy killing them by the dozen in The Lord of the Rings. I love the way music rises up as the son of the Last of the Mohicans falls at the hands of the evil Magua. Death is never more glorified than on the battlefield especially in the movies.

I always thought I didn't like violent movies. I now realise that something about the death of a loved hero in the battlefield moves me. I like the sensation it causes. And at the same time I find myself wondering about the real people who go to war on behalf of us civilians. Does God switch to slow motion when the real heroes die? Is it really worth it to be a hero when your destination is a premature violent death?

And there is one question which bothers me and I ask many times... What is the difference between a man who is sentenced to death because he is a murderer for hire and a soldier who gets a medal when he dies heroically at the front? Both die. Both are hired. One a hero and the other a villain.Why don't I cry when Kevin Spacey gets killed by Brad Pitt in Seven. Is it because Brad Pitt is a hero. Because the director wants me to feel relieved... there is no slow motion... no soaring music even though Kevin Spacey is a hero in his field of murders... I don't know

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Walking in Delhi

I walk everyday at 7:00 pm in the park in front of my house. As I walk really fast on the cement tiled pathway thoughts race across my mind. This is a park where I played kho kho, pitthu phod, chain chain, poshumpa poshumpa and campacola Goldspot for too many years to remember. I used to run 800 mts without breaking a sweat and now I huff and puff by the time I'm on my sixth round. My favorite hindi teacher who kept me busy doing school plays...making cartoons...singing...writing poetry and even studying. I recently passed by my school in a car on a wednesday. We had Physical Education day on wednesday therefore everyone wore white.

I think about Oxford book house that I went to recently. It is an improved version of Crossword on the outside. There's a fascinating spring like seating place. You have to see it to believe it. It is neither a sofa nor a chair nor a stool nor a sofa. This is the best way I can describe it. The best thing about it is a lovely cafe. Pity I gave up coffee. Another distinguishing feature is that they have a hindi Book section. Pity I haven't read a hindi book in ages.

Then there's the Crafts Museum next to Pragati Maidan. I bought two bed covers the last time I went there...watched the craftsmen creating beauty with their hands. I look at the museum which has some really scary large sculptures among other things. I always visit the overpriced gift shop...ogle at the lovely boxes and silver jewellery. Last but not the least I end up waving at every autorickshaw and it always takes at least half an hour to get one.

I pass by the new Akshardham mandir everytime I come home. The first time I saw it was when I had just landed in Delhi. It is a vision in light in the darkness and during the day it looks just as beautiful. I wish to see this wonder up close very soon. I hear it embodies 5 or 7 kinds of architecture. I wouldn't be able to recognise the different styles but I will feel the space and beauty.

Then there's my favorite Dilli Haat. I've been there twice already. Craftsmen and women from all over the country. All sorts of objects of desire. I can spend any amount of guiltfree money in this place. I bought the perfect black silk scarf in self design with tassles. I can't wait to wear it.
I always eat a masala dosa or momos. Last time I had momos they were amazingly bad. Actually there are all these food places from all over the country and still I can only trust a dosa. They also have an overpriced giftshop where I never spend a paisa.

And in the end I think about me... all grown up... wondering why am I always missing at least one family... why can't I have them all at the same time?

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Old clothes

Polka dotted frock with frills
Long loose sweater falling to the knees
Striped tie and long sleeved sweater from school
Mom saved remnants of a long gone childhood

Saturday, December 17, 2005


a smouldering cigarette butt
dropping on the floor of a petrol station
as a leaking tank stands parked

Saturday, December 10, 2005


I was wandering on Jolvin's blog when I understood what the 7 tag meant so here it is and I'm not gonna tag anyone but I had fun doing this!

7 things I plan to do

1.Create a beautifully organised kitchen
2. Own a Beetle
3. One day find readymade jeans that fit
4. Write the perfect piece of prose with the perfect end
5. Eat less rice
6. Add to my small collection of boxes
7. Start taking pictures again

7 things I can do

1. Read a book start to finish 99% of the time
2. Do Tarot readings
3. Sing nearly all of Suzanne Vaga and Madonna songs
4. Write poetry
5. Take photographs
6. My nails
7. Paperwork

7 things I can't do

1. Be an editor
2. Fold an ironed shirt
3. Not pick up a stray puppy
4. Wear red
5. Do a tarot reading for myself
6. Control my dreams
7. Resist all sorts of stationary

7 things I say most often

1. Hello
2. Where are you?
3. what re?
5. I just came to the conclusion that I really don't have any catch phrases!!

7 things I believe in

1. My family's love for me
2. My love for my family
3. There are no lines on the real map
4. People who help quietly
5. a sincere apology
6. Love
7. Myself

Thursday, December 08, 2005


Breathe in
Breathe out

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Delhi metro

I went on the Delhi metro today. I was so aware of the fact that I was going to be 20 feet underground. I checked the map. I bought the 10 bucks token and showed it's face to the scanner at the multiple entrances to the platforms. I got into the train waiting for it to make the usual train sound. Dhadak dhadak , dhadak dhadak. It made more of a swooosh sound and moved ahead like a plane picking up speed on the runway. There was a helpful electronic moving sign which announced the next station. A woman's voice repeated the same information. A sikh man unabashedly kept staring at me till I finally stared him down.
The train came to the last station. I didn't jump out of the train. I walked out, that felt truly alien for someone used to the mumbai locals. The level of the train floor is exactly the same as the platform floor. The floor of the platform is absolutely clean. The train floor is absolutely clean.
I went up the escalator. I dropped the token into one of the multiple exits. I got out into the open...and took a very long, deep breath.