Sunday, August 28, 2005
In order to love you must be willing to die
It is not even a final physical death
It is the kind of dying which involves humiliation
The kind that involves immense courage
The courage to die several times
The courage to be born again
The courage to cry alone
The courage to stop yourself from wrenching
your heart out of your ribs and feeding it to a hungry dog
The courage to care when your best friend tells you, " Don't bother! "
The courage to stay alive when life slaps you in the face
and tears roll down your face and all you want to do is die.
Under all circumstances you stay alive.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Someone make this day unhappen before it happens
Hold my hands of wax
and turn them to wings
teach me how to swim
or turn me into a fish
and then into food
and then be fed
to a poor little girl I saw rummaging in the garbage can
the one I didn't invite to share with me
even though I ate alone
with money in my bag
and in my heart
Sunday, August 21, 2005
cut up fabrics
never to be stitched again
to be erased or
never to be read
spewing evil in privacy
of closed doors
non violent methods
can sometimes fail
Rage can hurt,
hit or kill
So drink a glass of cold water
and think again
May be there is a way
Thursday, August 18, 2005
There have been many times when people have met me after long periods of time and asked me that question- Where have you been?
I have felt like handing over this poem to them so they would never ask me that again. So here's Pablo Neruda for you...
If you should ask me where I've been all this time
I have to say ' things happen'
I have to dwell on stones darkening the earth,
on the river ruined in it's own duration:
I know nothing save things the birds have lost,
the sea I left behind , or my sister crying.
Why this abundance of places? Why does day lock with day?
Why the dark night swilling around in our mouths?
And why the dead?
Should you ask me where I come from, I must talk
with broken things
with fairly painful utensils,
with great beasts turned to dust as often as not
and my afflicted heart.
These are not memories that have passed each other
nor the yellowing pigeon in our forgetting;
these are tearful faces
and fingers down our throats
and whatever among leaves may fall to the ground:
the dark of a day gone by
grown fat on our grieving blood.
Here are violets, and here swallows,
all things we love and which inform
sweet messages seriatim
through which time passes and sweetness passes.
We don't get far, though, beyond these teeth:
Why waste time gnawing at the husks of silence?
I know not what to answer:
There are so many dead,
and so many dikes the red sun breached,
and so many heads battering hulls
and so many hands that have closed over kisses
and so many things that I want to forget.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
I got more and more pissed off as I couldn't wait to get to my favourite air conditioned shop in Andheri and buy myself nice clothes. It was unbearably hot. Finally I started cursing my friend for having taken that particular route.
Very calmly he told me,' May be the universe has something specific in mind for you. May be it needs time to prepare before you get to the shop, like the right dress, the right size might be on their way and need to get there before you do.'
I shut my mouth and sat quietly waiting for the trains to pass.
I'm reminded of a poem I wrote. It has nothing to do with what I just said... it's just got the word train in it too. Enjoy.
Delicate issue of distance
Time is like a train stuck in traffic
Let’s never sit together in any compartments
Let’s never study together for we’ll both fail
Words will contemplate your actions and vice versa
Only distance can bring you to me
Distance that I will create and consistently keep
Saturday, August 06, 2005
Smoking billowing chimneys in the rain
It rains amidst trees stuck…
Stuck between water tanks on top of buildings
Trucks , Vans, autorickshaws, trucks and
Smoking exhaust pipes in the rain
Blinding raging rain
Furious angered Gods in the clouds
Protesting against blood
Let’s commit horror
And then talk about it
And then hate
Amidst God’s protest
We, of our race break blood in the rains
on the telly
I’m a glitter dispensing rubber ball
I’ve been found bouncing off people all the time
I’m a flicker of a smile
And a flame born of a million stars
I am the gurgling part of the fountain
I giggle in short gasps
I’m the white sauce they forget to serve you at times
I am the whole wheat bread my friends love so much
I’ve been seen buzzing around your hair
I was found singing without music in all available corridors
You can pass me by when I’m whizzing without wheels
I’m found everywhere by everyone
While I’m lost to all of them
I was discovered yesterday tickling a Sparrow
through the windows that are really walls
I could be in that book you haven’t bought yet
I could be found sitting in front of you
Life is made up of several such wasted afternoons
Red suitcases underlined by Black umbrellas
A thrown away ruffle
and a potentially dangerous package
The thinking hat talks to the Newspaper
May be they’ll find a way to avoid the next world war
A trunk full of leftovers
Top it all with a few white thermocol blues
Radio sings on top of the TV
I’ll be waking up in half an hour
Don’t any of you be waiting up for me
Monday, August 01, 2005
Somehow I can't get over this film I happened to watch the other day called bad education. The gay sex just threw me off and after a while I had to shut my eyes. I just couldn't watch it. Even before this I watched a collection of sexually explicit foriegn films ... some of them the gay kind. I get totally uncomfortable watching these images and it is amazing to me that it is real for so many people.
I know a few gay people and they are my friends, some of them very close to me and although their sexualty has never been an issue. I realise now having watched these films what the whole debate is all about. I feel I can somewhat understand the difficulty in trying to gain acceptance in the society especially ours which is essentially a very closed and conservative one. Also why heterosexual people can be homophobic. I think it's just because when you imagine gay sex or actually see it the sheer contrast between the two ways of life can shock you.
One the other hand a gay person could be watching a perfectly "normal" sex scene and shut their eyes.
Moral of the story, I will avoid watching gay sex :-)