The tears of a woman

I don't know how to begin this... as my tears are blurring the words... and when you don't know how to say something very well it helps to tell a story... this one is true.

Once a close friend and I were talking about how she finally moved on from a broken relationship. Even today as I attempt to write the words she spoke that night my heart aches for her inconsolable grief. She's more than a decade younger than me but in some ways she's an old soul.

As we sat one night on a bench by the creek she said,"This is where he said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. You know for the longest time I just couldn't move on. I cried and I prayed to all the Gods but the longing to hear just one word from him was still killing me. Finally one day I convinced myself that he was dead and that's when I had some peace." She did not say it with anger actually wishing that he was dead. She said it because all she wanted was to forget him, to not hurt anymore and to stop the tears from falling.

Yesterday I found a piece of music that instantly touched my heart and this morning it has been playing over and over. It has broken my heart into a thousand pieces and I feel like the sharp corners are buried into my eyes as the tears fall freely sometimes ending their journey between my lips. Isn't it a miracle the way a simple piece of folk music set to bagpipes and a lonely flute pierces your soul like nothing has ever done before. Stefka Sabotinova kills me with her raw haunting voice and I want to stop listening to her because if she keeps singing to me, I will never stop crying like a little girl.

Here she is...

Le Mystère des Voix Bulgares - Mir Stanke le

Travel pangs

I get travel pangs every time I leave home for a holiday. I get terribly excited at the prospect of travelling and then I get terribly anxious and then I can't sleep. A thousand things race through my mind and I toss and I turn the whole night through. last night was like that. By the time the moon left my window I was thoroughly famished with a craving for something sweet so I ate masala peanuts with hot chocolate. The dog followed me to the kitchen demanding treats. She doesn't need an occasion. If I'm in the kitchen it's time for a treat as a reward for following me there. So I sat in the dark drinking my chocolate milk after having banged my shin into the sofa after tripping over the dog in the dark. Then I rubbed my eye with the chilly on my fingers and had to wash it out. The last two sips of the milk tasted a bit funny but I was too hungry to care. This morningI realised that I'd missed the ashtray in the dark and tipped my cigarette in the cup. Thankfully there were no disturbing dreams to wake me up as I finally dozed off.

For the last few months I haven't been dreaming at all or I  should say I haven't remembered any dreams. I'm glad in a way and grateful for the break from my subconscious. The thing with dreams is that even though they are usually bizarre and interesting to say the least they tend to decide the mood you're going to be in for most of the morning. Actually the trick is to get out of bed the instant you wake up. If you loll around in bed for ten minutes with your eyes closed you're very likely to remember each and every grisly detail of that nightmare you'd rather forget. Honestly I can't remember the last time I had a dream.

I'll be travelling to Bombay in about two weeks and I've decided to pop by Ahmedabad and Bangalore before I head back home by the middle of August. The agenda is simple. I'll meet as many friends as possible, gather all the love I can and just glow!

Ring of roses

Suddenly yesterday was completely action packed. Such a beautiful day. My partners in crime Ankita, Pushpita, Sohana, Ahana and Aditya met up at Mall of the Emirates. I went to MOE after the longest time. There were Carolina Herrera balloons rising up to the ceiling so I took a picture. Ramadan continues and there are sales everywhere enticing people who haven't gone away on holiday yet. So I browsed around the high fashion brands on 'sale' which means they are still out of reach. I have to say as I suspected Carolina Herrera is definitely the best of the lot that I saw. There was a gorgeous floor length, off the shoulder, red evening dress which was out of a dream. Red dress with black roses somehow slightly elevated on the beautiful fabric. It looked like something Victoria Grayson played by Madeleine Stowe would wear during one of her parties in the series 'Revenge'. Ice cold demeanour dressed in fire. It was perfect and I got to wear it for a few minutes in the changing room but of course it's too rich for my blood and where would I wear it anyway even if I could afford it. Diane von Furstenburg clothes are disappointing. Michael Kors bags are not too bad, all unaffordable even after the 'sale'.

It's a lovely fountain with these half horse half fish creatures. We met at Zara and browsed the sale section. Ahana was most helpful. The little three year old munchkin helped pick out a dress for me to try. As we waited outside the changing rooms in a line both the little girls were under the impression that they would be accompanying me into the changing room. And as I got into the rather tight dress they knocked on the door insisting to be let in, after all they waited patiently for their turn just like me. The dress was promptly rejected by everyone aside from Ahana with a vehement "I like it!", so I let it go.

We got to Ankita's house totally tired. The samosas and ginger chai revived us and then it was time to play with the girls. Here are two videos which Aditya made of us having fun

Ring of roses with Ahana and Sohana

Rounding with Ahana and Sohana

Some more

So don't bother asking where I've been. Today morning I was making faces in the mirror and I actually started laughing after a while. I took some selfies and caught this funny one I thought I would share. I've been shazaming away and I found some more lovely music I'd like to share with you so here goes...

Is there a ghost by Band of Horses

This one has an interesting, bizarre video which shows a girl stealing people's pillows right from under their head. It all ends up in a pillow fight with goose feathers flying everywhere. I loved it- both the song and the video.

Summer wine by Lana Del Rey

The woman is just so beautiful with a voice to match. The video shows her boyfriend performing the cover of this old favourite by Nancy Sinatra. I like the video much like the rest of her videos done in a home movie kind of treatment.

Seven devils by Florence and The Machine

I couldn't get this one out of my head for days. It haunts you. There's so much grief and anger in the melody. I fell in love with it.

"Holy water cannot help you now

Thousand armies couldn't keep me out

I don't want your money

I don't want your crown

See I've come to burn your kingdom down

Holy water cannot help you now

See I've come to burn your kingdom down

And no rivers and no lakes can put the fire out

I'm gonna raise the stakes, I'm gonna smoke you out

Seven devils all around me!

Seven devils in my house!

See they were there when I woke up this morning

I'll be dead before the day is done"

Eli by Bosnian Rainbows

Another dark, haunting and rather disturbing song. I think you need to be in a dark place to really absorb it.

"I've been so cruel, mother of mine

I've been so cruel to you

So, why do you smile at me?

I've been away for as long as snow

I've been missing for years

So, why do you smile at me?"

Are you alright by Lucinda Williams

Simple little song about a woman pining for someone. Quite typical really but very sweet nonetheless.

"Are you sleeping through the night?

Do you have someone to hold you tight?

Do you have someone to hang out with?

Do you have someone to hug & kiss you?

Hug & kiss you

Hug & kiss you

Are you all right?"

And that's that. Enjoy.