Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Asshole of an afternoon

So for some reason I decided I needed to pick up something from Cottage Chic, a home accessories and furniture store. It's at the JBR Walk, a place I've been to many times and walked the length of it with great pleasure but then they began constructing the tram line and it became near impossible to get there. More retail outlets came up and it became even more difficult to find parking. Today I decided to risk it after almost a year. Big mistake. So here's how it went.

Drive to the walk. No parking found. Drive around the walk and get stuck in traffic. Crib about it on Facebook. Wait for the tram to go by at a signal like a woman in no hurry to deprive her admirers of her lovely new boob job. Go drive around again and find underground expensive parking. Twenty bucks an hour. Stop too far from the parking chip machine. Open car door. Try to reach out but seat belt too tight. Take off seatbelt. Get parking chip. Hurriedly change gears before barrier comes down. Safely keep parking chip in bag.

Realise have parked at the wrong end of The Walk. Walk all the way to the other end in search of the aforementioned store. Store not to be found. Ask random women if store still exists. Get unhelpful answers and one annoyed wave telling self to move along. Finally google store. No mention of the JBR branch. Opened big grand store in Mirdiff City Centre, the other end of the city. Curse self for not googling before leaving home. Try to call store in last ditch effort. Number busy. Walk into random furniture store full of golden things. Take picture of hideous puke worthy dining table. Post on Facebook.

Begin the long walk back to the car. Sun beats down on face. End up looking like monkey's butt within ten minutes. Feel hungry. Decide to treat self to a masala dosa. Enter Indian restaurant. Ask for Masala Dosa. India Palace does not serve South Indian food. Eat dal rice. Drink sweet lassi. Remember to ask for change for the parking meter. Walk back to the parking. Find car. Reach into bag for round and red parking chip. Come up with one dirham coin instead. Walk towards the payment machine with hand searching the infinite depths of bag. No chip. Sit down and take everything out of bag much to the amusement of two onlookers. 1 pen, 3 lipsticks, 1 hairbrush, 2 lipstick sharpeners (why?), 1 credit card receipt, 1 hand cream, 1 wallet, 2 passports. No chip.

Open car. Look under the seats. Move seat all the way back. Look under. Move seat all the way forward. Look under. Repeat process with driver's seat. No chip. Remember last time when had lost similar parking chip at Gold and Diamond park. Only 200 bucks penalty that time. Memory makes self nearly cry. Search under the car. Search under the neighbouring car. No chip. Walk to the office looking place. Get directions to the Parking barrier office. Walk to Parking Barrier office. Pay 250 bucks penalty. Get red round chip. Feel like taking a hammer to it.

Get in car and bang knee into dashboard as seat is all the way forward. Yelp. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Move seat back. Finally get in. Follow signs to exit. Stop too far from the parking chip machine. Take off seatbelt. Reach half the body out of car. Put bastard red chip in machine. Slide back in quickly, change gear and get the hell out. 

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