and winners who know how to lose. So I saw Chak de and really enjoyed it. The feeling of being in a team is unique and of winning even better. Even when I watch Tobey Maguire winning a horse race or Iqbal doing a chakravyuh or an all girls team winning the world cup it makes me clap with joy and I'm ever so happy.
What I didn't know was that I was just being set up for real life disappointment. I am a really sore loser. I think I already said that a few posts ago. I cry and cry and cry and indulge is self pity all the while telling everyone what a good sport I am and how it's no big deal that I didn't get what I had been working for and waiting for. So today I cried a little bit which is better than my usual bawling. I indulged in self pity for a while. Why isn't anything good happening to me? Why do good things only seem to happen to other people? Am I a good enough writer, poet, painter, film maker, wife, potential mother, dog owner, daughter, sister, daughter in law, sister in law and any other roles I may have forgotten. I kick myself and I feel like there's no place good to go from here.
Am I making a big deal out of everything? Ours is but to do and His is to give and He is ever so selective in what he gives us. I want to be a good loser since I am clearly not winning anything today. So I will try to forget about my disappointment and gear myself up to do it all over again and this time be better. That's what I was told to do. But for some time I just want to pay respect to tears because on the journey towards the sun they are like the wings of Icarus which melt and fall to the earth and the through the fire in one's heart the Phoenix rises defying death.